Detox Your Life - Toxic Friendship
March 10th, 2008 Posted by: Dr. Dobson
Continued From Detox Your Life - Toxic Work
Warning Signs: You don’t look forward to spending time with her. You often feel insignificant, annoyed or suspicious afterward. When you have some good news, she acts cold or indifferent.
Mend It: One-sided friendships share two factors: competition and self-absorption. Although your initial reaction - may be to ditch a friend with either trait, in some cases it’s worth trying to shift the dynamic. Perhaps she’s a childhood pal or an important professional ally.
Gently challenging a competitive friend may be enough to make the problem an occasional annoyance rather than annoyance that threatens your bond. For example, if you’re talking about making it through a tough Spinning class and she goes on and on about how running (her favorite activity) is far more difficult, say cheerfully, “Okay, so you win the exerciser of the week award. Where do you want to have lunch?” You let her know that she’s being a bit of a jerk but that you’re willing to let it pass.
The direct approach is often the best way to get a self absorbed pal to look beyond her own interests. If she steers every conversation back to herself, say something like “I really need your help with this problem. Could you listen and tell me what you think I should do?” or, more forcefully, “Hang on, it’s my turn to talk.”
If things don’t improve, you might want to limit the friendship, keeping only the part you value. For example, have coffee with your workplace friend but don’t go shopping or out to dinner with her.
End It: It’s better “to have just one great friend than to put up with people who aren’t excited when good things happen to you or supportive when bad things do,” says Glass. Consider backing off if she frequently gives you backhanded compliments, betrays your trust or barely shows interest in your life. Let the relationship die by attrition-stop making plans, keep conversations brief and, if necessary, don’t return phone calls.
Continued On Detox Your Life - Toxic Romance
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Tags: Detox, Toxic, Friendship